Riverside Middle sexual assault leaves a lot of unanswered questions

[Tigerbomb]

-Why is it necessary for 13 year olds to have cell phones with face time/internet access?

Is it because "everybody has one"? Are parents worried that their child will hate them or think they are unfair if they don't let their child have one? Nothing good, and I mean nothing, comes from a 13 year old having a cell phone with all the bells and whistles.

-This assault occurred at a party at a private residence.

What kind of parent lets their 13 year old go to a party without knowing responsible adults are there? Do parents no longer care what their kids do or where they go? Did they drop them off or let them ride with some other teenager?

 

[OrangeTigerTower]

disagree on the cell phone thing.
I want my kids to be able to reach me anytime they want to.

 

[Tigerbomb]

disagree on the cell phone thing.
I want my kids to be able to reach me anytime they want to.

I get that but why not a cell phone that only dials a number?

And how often does a 13 year old need to reach you?

Most 12 year olds have phones with internet these days. Ridiculous and non productive IMO.

 

[BasedCamp]

I get that but why not a cell phone that only dials a number?

And how often does a 13 year old need to reach you?

Most 12 year olds have phones with internet these days. Ridiculous and non productive IMO.

Not intended to be a flame at all - how old are you? I think there are generational gaps with technology that make it tricky to understand benefits when the perspective simply isn't there.

 

[Willence]

Not intended to be a flame at all - how old are you? I think there are generational gaps with technology that make it tricky to understand benefits when the perspective simply isn't there.

Actually it's the generational gaps that make people who think it's OK to give an iPhone to a 12 year old that show people have no idea about the benefits and detriments of technology. They don't have the perspective because they are modern day doofus-filled already! 12 year old gets a flip phone. That's all they need...ever!

 

[OrangeTigerTower]

Well until your 12 year old is told to "look it up on their phone" by their teacher. That happens today in school. My 9th grader has "open tech" tests not open book tests. Etc.

 

[Orangetown]

Families do not have landlines. Most families need them in case of emergencies. Parents need to monitor their use and examine histories (etc) periodically.

 

[capo7]

I get that but why not a cell phone that only dials a number?

And how often does a 13 year old need to reach you?

Most 12 year olds have phones with internet these days. Ridiculous and non productive IMO.

We use FindMyIphone app to track our kids location.
99% of the time, where the phone is, they are.
Can't do that with a flip phone.

 

[C-TeamHOF]

Not intended to be a flame at all - how old are you? I think there are generational gaps with technology that make it tricky to understand benefits when the perspective simply isn't there.

Was wondering the same thing and if he/she has any kids

 

[Tigerbomb]

Not intended to be a flame at all - how old are you? I think there are generational gaps with technology that make it tricky to understand benefits when the perspective simply isn't there.

42. I have two kids. Kids today need to be able to use technology or they will be at a disadvantage. Being 13 without a phone that is capable of looking up anything is not creating a disadvantage. They need to be supervised if they want to surf the internet.

When they reach high school a phone capable of more is reasonable but with the stipulation that you can know what they are looking at and who they are communicating with. After 10 pm it should be turned off. That may sound archaic but would you like some high school kid calling your son/daughter on the home phone past 10 pm?

Parents seem to crave friendship more than being a bad guy these days. That is too bad.

Next question.

 

[Trading Tiger]

Actually it's the generational gaps that make people who think it's OK to give an iPhone to a 12 year old that show people have no idea about the benefits and detriments of technology. They don't have the perspective because they are modern day doofus-filled already! 12 year old gets a flip phone. That's all they need...ever!

My child will have a smart phone, and because of that, I will know exactly where she is at all times. I may not know exactly what she's doing there, but then of course, I can face time her to see for myself, rather than calling her and hoping that she tells me the truth. There will be parental supervision and blockages of her phone.

Meh, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

 

[Willence]

My child will have a smart phone, and because of that, I will know exactly where she is at all times. I may not know exactly what she's doing there, but then of course, I can face time her to see for myself, rather than calling her and hoping that she tells me the truth. There will be parental supervision and blockages of her phone.

Meh, the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages.

Respectfully disagree completely. And until you have really looked into all the abuses and exploitation of these phones, it's hard to totally get a grasp on just how bad it is. Our children will not have them under any circumstances. In my view, (and no offense to anyone) this is all symptomatic of the lazy and permissive parenting going on. Fortunately, we are all free to make those decisions for ourselves.

 

[OrangeTigerTower]

42. I have two kids. Kids today need to be able to use technology or they will be at a disadvantage. Being 13 without a phone that is capable of looking up anything is not creating a disadvantage. They need to be supervised if they want to surf the internet.

When they reach high school a phone capable of more is reasonable but with the stipulation that you can know what they are looking at and who they are communicating with. After 10 pm it should be turned off. That may sound archaic but would you like some high school kid calling your son/daughter on the home phone past 10 pm?

Parents seem to crave friendship more than being a bad guy these days. That is too bad.

Next question.

Shrug.
To me its just like saying your kid can never spend the night with friends because they might do drugs.
My kids (15 and 12) have iphones.
I dont track their activity.
I teach them about right and wrong. Then I trusty them. Then I still verify.
I also have open liquor and beer in the home and leave them alone at times.
We also have firearms in the home and the kids know the safe combo.

Im probably doing it wrong. Both are Straight A students and good athletes and well liked among both their friend and the teachers at school.

Controlling access isnt preventing abuse.

 

[marshmk]

42. I have two kids. Kids today need to be able to use technology or they will be at a disadvantage. Being 13 without a phone that is capable of looking up anything is not creating a disadvantage. They need to be supervised if they want to surf the internet.

When they reach high school a phone capable of more is reasonable but with the stipulation that you can know what they are looking at and who they are communicating with. After 10 pm it should be turned off. That may sound archaic but would you like some high school kid calling your son/daughter on the home phone past 10 pm?

Parents seem to crave friendship more than being a bad guy these days. That is too bad.

Next question.

parents also seem to "over parent" their children much more these days

 

[OrangeTigerTower]

Respectfully disagree completely. And until you have really looked into all the abuses and exploitation of these phones, it's hard to totally get a grasp on just how bad it is. Our children will not have them under any circumstances. In my view, (and no offense to anyone) this is all symptomatic of the lazy and permissive parenting going on. Fortunately, we are all free to make those decisions for ourselves.

So when do you expose them to these horrors?
After they are out of your home?
When they are too old to listen to mom and dad?

I mean I can tell you I know of at least 5 girls who entered college virgins whod never had a drink and dropped out pregnant before their sophomore year. The sheltered kids are exposed eventually to the real world.

Id rather it while they are under my roof and I can guide the ship and establish good and bad.

 

[Game Well]

Kids lie. They say parents are there when they aren't. It's called life.

 

[plmartin]

I'm ok with the smart phones but parents do need to monitor. My only steadfast rule is if I can't get in your phone anytime it becomes mine. I also check it on a regular basis, and no way no how will snapchap be allowed. My daughter gets so mad about the last one but no person, let alone a teenager needs an app that will send text and pictures and then delete once read. No one can convince me otherwise.

 

[Willence]

So when do you expose them to these horrors?
After they are out of your home?
When they are too old to listen to mom and dad?

I mean I can tell you I know of at least 5 girls who entered college virgins whod never had a drink and dropped out pregnant before their sophomore year. The sheltered kids are exposed eventually to the real world.

Id rather it while they are under my roof and I can guide the ship and establish good and bad.

I understand what you're talking about. I am a major advocate of not sheltering kids. Please don't misunderstand what I am saying. There is definitely a delicate balancing act at play here and a lot has more to do with how we raise our kids than if they have a phone or not. That being said, there are a lot of services out there where you're just not likely to catch your kids doing stuff they shouldn't do. I'd like to limit access to that as they grow and develop. If kids are filming sex at 13 and 14, there's a problem. I'm sure you agree with that.

I want my kids to fail, succeed, get in trouble, etc. all while at home. I don't want them to be shocked by the world. That being said, I also don't have to dip them headlong into the world like a zesto cone!

 

[Shevlin77]

I don't think a smart phone is the problem...where there is a will there is a way. Shoot there were kids in my middles school who got busted taking pictures like that with Polaroids back in the day. They were leaving them in places to be found around school. If they don't have one they could just as easily borrow somebody else's.

Also, you can track your kids with a smart phone. Lastly, I travel a lot for work so Face Time is incredibility helpful.

When my kids get to be that age they will have one, and I will do my best to teach them what NOT to do with it. And if there is a compelling reason to take it away then I will.

 

[Tigerbomb]

parents also seem to "over parent" their children much more these days

They sure do. I do not advocate insulating them from the real world but there is no reason for a kid to have a phone with internet at 13.

There is no reason to allow a high school kid to keep their phone with them in their room after they go to bed.

I don't think that is over parenting but maybe we disagree.

 

[TigerEE91]

What in the hell happened at this middle school and what does it have to do with some guy on a message board declaring shariah law on his kids' mobile phone future?

 

[TigerEE91]

Sorry just saw the other thread on this topic
My kids are almost 20 and 15. If you have elementary school kids, you have no idea of the minefield that awaits you in the next few years. If you bother to parent your kids at all or have any rules or limits, you are in the small minority, I can assure you.

 

[wdrcu75]

Phone issue notwithstanding, they were 13 and drunk. And maybe the boy was a little bit wrong for what he did?

 

[EagleScoutCU15]

Phone issue notwithstanding, they were 13 and drunk. And maybe the boy was a little bit wrong for what he did?

This. Why the fvck are we talking about whether they should have smart phones?

 

[DWC99]

This. Why the fvck are we talking about whether they should have smart phones?

Exactly, it's almost as if it wasn't caught on camera by the phone, then the party/excessive drinking/sex acts either; 1) wouldn't have happened, or 2) is ok because it's not on video.

The phone just isn't the problem. It's a scapegoat to the issue at hand. I get the sharing of the video is problematic, but there is nothing to share if these kids 'had been parented correctly', correct? Keeping a phone out of their hands doesn't mean bad crap isn't going to happen.

Maybe without the phone no one ever knows anything bad had occurred and there is no 'teaching moment' to have with your kids as a good parent.

And I'm not advocating a pass in the least on the video sharing or the videoing of it. But it only takes 1 person having a smart phone and you damn sure can't control what other parents decide to do for or give their child.

 

[Trading Tiger]

They sure do. I do not advocate insulating them from the real world but there is no reason for a kid to have a phone with internet at 13.

There is no reason to allow a high school kid to keep their phone with them in their room after they go to bed.

I don't think that is over parenting but maybe we disagree.

No, I don't think that's over parenting at all. I disagree with it, but I don't think it's over parenting. But just so you know, the Menendez brothers weren't allowed to keep their cell phones in their room after bed time either.

I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you.

 

[Tigerbomb]

No, I don't think that's over parenting at all. I disagree with it, but I don't think it's over parenting. But just so you know, the Menendez brothers weren't allowed to keep their cell phones in their room after bed time either.

I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you.

Luckily I am not worth millions.

 

[Tigerbomb]

This. Why the fvck are we talking about whether they should have smart phones?

To be fair there was a second gripe about 13 year old kids being at a place with either no parental supervision or adults who are obviously irresponsible. Evidently, from what I have heard, this was a high school party and some middle school kids were at the party after hitching a ride with an older sibling.

Did these parents not double check about where their 13 year old kids were on a Saturday night?

 

[CU Alumnus]

-Why is it necessary for 13 year olds to have cell phones with face time/internet access?

Is it because "everybody has one"? Are parents worried that their child will hate them or think they are unfair if they don't let their child have one? Nothing good, and I mean nothing, comes from a 13 year old having a cell phone with all the bells and whistles.

-This assault occurred at a party at a private residence.

What kind of parent lets their 13 year old go to a party without knowing responsible adults are there? Do parents no longer care what their kids do or where they go? Did they drop them off or let them ride with some other teenager?

My son has a friend at after-school care that has a cell phone. The kid is in Kindergarten I think.

WTF?

 

[BHSRebels89]

Parents should know where the kids are. No way my kid is going anywhere without me or my wife talking to the parents first. I understand they can mislead but there were a bunch of them there. Unless a parent was involved in allowing this, the parents should have known where their kids were and who else was there.

I get the "you can shelter them" thing and my son has shown that he's trustworthy in many areas but there is a fine line there. You can't throw them in a fire and expect them not to get burned either.

My son is 11 and doesn't have a phone because he doesn't go anywhere that he can't call us somehow. He is always with an adult since he's only 11. When that changes, he'll probably have one. I will say however that his buddies that do have them stay on them way too much and I don't like it. They don't like me very much at times because I don't let them keep their nose in the phone when they're with us.

 

[tigerGUY]

Well until your 12 year old is told to "look it up on their phone" by their teacher. That happens today in school. My 9th grader has "open tech" tests not open book tests. Etc.

WTH are they learning then? How to navigate the web?

 

[TigerDoc]

-Why is it necessary for 13 year olds to have cell phones with face time/internet access?

Is it because "everybody has one"? Are parents worried that their child will hate them or think they are unfair if they don't let their child have one? Nothing good, and I mean nothing, comes from a 13 year old having a cell phone with all the bells and whistles.

-This assault occurred at a party at a private residence.

What kind of parent lets their 13 year old go to a party without knowing responsible adults are there? Do parents no longer care what their kids do or where they go? Did they drop them off or let them ride with some other teenager?

The phone is not the problem. Staying on top of what your kid is doing is...

 

[OrangeTigerTower]

WTH are they learning then? How to navigate the web?

I'm not an educator so I'll let the experts chime in. But I did ask the question and can relate what I was told.
When you and I went to school the uniform idea was based om the Prussian Education System and essentially primary school was geared towards producing assembly line workers and assembly line managers. Hence we were given "tasks" that were overseen and emphasis was placed on completion speed and accuracy.

In an evolving career field assembly lines play a minimal role. With more jobs being IT and computer based a focus is being shifted towards independent research and problem solving. A method of teaching I have witnessed is this, "I want everyone in the class to research for 30 minutes independently on causes of XYZ, you can use your own device if you have one or you can come up front and get one of the community devices."

In fact 3 of my son's 8 classes (9th grade) did not have text books this year. 1 of them had an e-book that was a free download.

 

[C-TeamHOF]

It's all lazy parenting no doubt. Saying a kid won't have a smart phone to me is lazy parenting.

Parenting is about instilling integrity and character and those things are what you do when parents are NOT looking. My child is 13 and has a smart phone and has had the integrity and character to keep that phone and its privileges so far and that's with me constantly checking behind her.

I teach middle school so I know you cannot trust most kids that age but I also know there are some you can trust. New technology will always be coming around and there will always be people who say things just like OP "I'm not giving a child one of those dadblasted new fangled thingymajingies". But it's the things that are thousands of years old that your children should be getting from their parents that enable them to have things like smart phones and handle them the right way because they were raised right way. Give your kids some character and integrity and imo cell phones will be the least of your worries

 

[Tigerbomb]

It's all lazy parenting no doubt. Saying a kid won't have a smart phone to me is lazy parenting.

Parenting is about instilling integrity and character and those things are what you do when parents are NOT looking. My child is 13 and has a smart phone and has had the integrity and character to keep that phone and its privileges so far and that's with me constantly checking behind her.

I teach middle school so I know you cannot trust most kids that age but I also know there are some you can trust. New technology will always be coming around and there will always be people who say things just like OP "I'm not giving a child one of those dadblasted new fangled thingymajingies". But it's the things that are thousands of years old that your children should be getting from their parents that enable them to have things like smart phones and handle them the right way because they were raised right way. Give your kids some character and integrity and imo cell phones will be the least of your worries

I never said I wouldn't let my kid have a smart phone. I just think 13 is a little young to truly need one. But to each his own.

Those phones become their entire life a lot of times. Nothing is sadder than seeing a family eating out and watching the kids text/play on their phone. But hey, they are responsible with it.

 

[C-TeamHOF]

I never said I wouldn't let my kid have a smart phone. I just think 13 is a little young to truly need one. But to each his own.

Those phones become their entire life a lot of times. Nothing is sadder than seeing a family eating out and watching the kids text/play on their phone. But hey, they are responsible with it.

So you don't like how certain people parents their kids in other words. It's not the cell phone itself because when restaurants give kids crayons and those packets and they color and play with those you complained then as well right.

Like I said its not the cell phones themselves, its about when you feel like you child is able to handle that responsibility with integrity and character. and for kids its different stages at different ages. Its not a universal answer that all kids are not ready. Its up to the parents. Maybe your kids didn't need them and needed more time to mature and prove responsibility. For others is may be sooner.