Silent Farting Chair Recommendations...

[SaltyMeatBallsOO]

Ok, I know this sounds crazy but I'm looking for an office chair that makes it easy to fart silently. Does anyone make such a chair? I Googled it but only found something sold in Japan. Maybe a seat cushion would help?

I recently moved into an office building with mostly women (most are attractive younger ladys). Several sit right outside my office in cubes. I tend to fart a lot. Holding them sucks but loud farting noises coming from my office wont help and can be embarrassing.

Any ideas? Today is one of those days I need to just sit here and crank them out all day.

 

[SaltyMeatBallsOO]

Anyone know where to get one of these???

or something like it?


https://grapee.jp/en/70318

 

[funkbott]

Is this for real?

 

[cctiger91]

Damn, basketball season rolls around and the board goes south almost immediately.

 

[Overwatch]

Notice who’s the first person to like OP’s post...

Appropriate handle imo.

 

[SaltyMeatBallsOO]

Seriously. Looking for a way to fart silently. This filters them but doesn't silence them....

https://www.ebay.com/p/20031093418?...MIgaPqrKXW5QIVVeWGCh3UNAlBEAQYAyABEgLyX_D_BwE

 

[TIGER 78]

https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/clemson-university-memory-foam-seat-cushion/5027707

 

[TigerDMD]

That’s a tough one. I mean - If you get vinyl or leather than the ladies are going to hear you every time, but cloth is going to hold those mothers in and every time you sit down you’re going to stir up little turd clouds.

 

[SaltyMeatBallsOO]

That’s a tough one. I mean - If you get vinyl or leather than the ladies are going to hear you every time, but cloth is going to hold those mothers in and every time you sit down you’re going to stir up little turd clouds.

My wife hasn't been happy either because I've been holding them in...I get home and all I do is fart. Hasn't helped in the sack!

 

[Baloney_Pony]

if no one can see you, slip your hand down the back of your pants. Grasp a bare butt cheek and open it up away from the other, making your butthole go . Then let the fart out carefully. Most densities will come out with a subtle "woosh". Beware though, in rare cases you'll still have sound.

 

[TigerNation2011]

A diet change might help.

 

[Maverick369]

 

[SaltyMeatBallsOO]

if no one can see you, slip your hand down the back of your pants. Grasp a bare butt cheek and open it up away from the other, making your butthole go . Then let the fart out carefully. Most densities will come out with a subtle "woosh". Beware though, in rare cases you'll still have sound.

What if I'm mistaken and it's really a turd and I'm doing this?

 

[LUV DEM TIGERS]

I don't think it's the sound that most people worry about. Heck, you can cough really loud to cover up the sound. The other, not so much.

 

[rac9s]

What if I'm mistaken and it's really a turd and I'm doing this?

Best advice I ever received from one of my dad’s friends was to “never trust a fart after 40”.

 

[SaltyMeatBallsOO]

A diet change might help.

I'm actually a pretty healthy eater. Try to keep my protein up...and workout daily.

 

[Tygur]

All I know is any time I farted in my office (when I worked in an office environment), there would be like a 95% chance someone would come in and tell me they needed to talk about something. I’d jump up and say, “tell ya what...let’s talk about it at the coffee shop downstairs...my treat!”. Now I work at home, so the cat simply pins his ears back when I let ‘em rip. IDGAF

 

[clemsonbama]

Reminds me of an episode several years ago. Apparently I had something for breakfast or lunch that gave me awful smelly gas....so bad I was gagging myself. All of us project managers had offices around the perimeter and the admins (all female) were out in the middle.

The gas odor got so bad I struck a couple of matches to diffuse the retched smell. Well, the smell of the matches sends the admins into a frenzy worried that something was on fire. They were full of drama and about to call the fire department. I heard this from my office.

Finally, I step out into their bunker and announce that I struck a match. I farted. It stunk. I struck a match. End of story. They all stood their with their mouths wide open in stunned silence. The laughter rolling out of the other PMs offices became deafening. Ah....I don’t miss office drama.

Ok, I know this sounds crazy but I'm looking for an office chair that makes it easy to fart silently. Does anyone make such a chair? I Googled it but only found something sold in Japan. Maybe a seat cushion would help?

I recently moved into an office building with mostly women (most are attractive younger ladys). Several sit right outside my office in cubes. I tend to fart a lot. Holding them sucks but loud farting noises coming from my office wont help and can be embarrassing.

Any ideas? Today is one of those days I need to just sit here and crank them out all day.

 

[clemsonbama]

The old plastic booths at Burger King used to have some awesome reverb when farted upon.

That’s a tough one. I mean - If you get vinyl or leather than the ladies are going to hear you every time, but cloth is going to hold those mothers in and every time you sit down you’re going to stir up little turd clouds.

 

[TigerDentGuy]

tMB

 

[rtiger]

Ok, I know this sounds crazy but I'm looking for an office chair that makes it easy to fart silently. Does anyone make such a chair? I Googled it but only found something sold in Japan. Maybe a seat cushion would help?

I recently moved into an office building with mostly women (most are attractive younger ladys). Several sit right outside my office in cubes. I tend to fart a lot. Holding them sucks but loud farting noises coming from my office wont help and can be embarrassing.

Any ideas? Today is one of those days I need to just sit here and crank them out all day.

You worry too much. Be you brother.

 

[Trading Tiger]

I'm actually a pretty healthy eater. Try to keep my protein up...and workout daily.

There's your problem. Try this...

 

[scott29687]

Get a service dog. Blame the dog.

 

[12 - 0]

Ok, I know this sounds crazy but I'm looking for an office chair that makes it easy to fart silently. Does anyone make such a chair? I Googled it but only found something sold in Japan. Maybe a seat cushion would help?

I recently moved into an office building with mostly women (most are attractive younger ladys). Several sit right outside my office in cubes. I tend to fart a lot. Holding them sucks but loud farting noises coming from my office wont help and can be embarrassing.

Any ideas? Today is one of those days I need to just sit here and crank them out all day.

Ah, let ‘em RIP !

 

[athigpe]

This is why we’re ranked so low and deservedly so.

 

[Jpilot110]

These are the types of threads that keep me coming back

 

[Clemson Goat]

Heck I would just let them rip. You do know that some woman love to fart ...Get up a game of fart football with them.

 

[Pomaria Tiger]

Use an electric pencil sharpener as you are releasing your fury upon the office.

Crop dust to the water cooler and back.

 

[Jangalang1]

7.5/10 well done

 

[PAWrocka]

this is the thread that this board needed today

LOL

 

[Ron Munson]

Just break wind and tell them you have a medical condition. Nothing embarrassing about that.

 

[83CUTiger]

Lazy boy cloth covered office chair + Febreeze FTW

 

[tigerhp]

if no one can see you, slip your hand down the back of your pants. Grasp a bare butt cheek and open it up away from the other, making your butthole go . Then let the fart out carefully. Most densities will come out with a subtle "woosh". Beware though, in rare cases you'll still have sound.

Lmbo!!!

 

[treetiger]

Just the title of this thread made me lift one cheek and rip a LOUD one. Sorry it wasn't silent, but there was no one around to hear it anyway.

 

[One Fingerd Fist]

10/10

Im crying

 

[southerncaltiger]

Before I left for Sacramento, I had one of those high-end, ergonomic chairs with a mesh bottom. Cool, comfortable, but no dampening effect, as you'd expect.. Had to exercise good control. With move came a big office with a leather chair. Now, I just let them fly; ZFG. Rather ironically, the Air Resources Board is now one of my primary agencies.

The best was still about 2 years ago, maybe 5 am, let go of a monster rattler. Wakes wife out of a sound sleep. She rapidly flops over to grab her iphone because she sets it on vibrate (insert joke here) and thought it was going off on the hard, wooden night stand next to her side of bed. Got cussed out when she grabbed the iphone and realized it was off.

 

[jackbolin]

It's been my experience that MOST women think it's funny as hell that we just don't GAF and let 'em rip...Now there are subtle rules to this obviously. And to the ones who think it's disgusting, what do you care what they think?? As Benjamin Franklin said "fart proudly"!!

 

[agantt]

Before I left for Sacramento, I had one of those high-end, ergonomic chairs with a mesh bottom. Cool, comfortable, but no dampening effect, as you'd expect.. Had to exercise good control. With move came a big office with a leather chair. Now, I just let them fly; ZFG. Rather ironically, the Air Resources Board is now one of my primary agencies.

The best was still about 2 years ago, maybe 5 am, let go of a monster rattler. Wakes wife out of a sound sleep. She rapidly flops over to grab her iphone because she sets it on vibrate (insert joke here) and thought it was going off on the hard, wooden night stand next to her side of bed. Got cussed out when she grabbed the iphone and realized it was off.

We have a winner!!!!! lmao!

 

[ClemOpie]

I've had mixed results with a mesh bottom chair. I can fart silently pretty reliably in that chair. The bad side is there's nothing to absorb the fart and let it seep out slowly. My office can smell like a barn quite quickly.

 

[jwlcpa]

This thread is a howl!!