OT - NEWSPRING ARTICLE

[TAINT_PAINT]

LINK

GREENWOOD, SC—Michael Garcia, 20, was extremely surprised to learn that he had committed his life to Jesus Christ at NewSpring Church’s Easter service, sources confirmed Wednesday afternoon.

Garcia noted that the service had ended and he was getting up from his pew to leave with his family when two smiling ushers “kindly but forcibly” escorted him to a room in the church for a class titled ‘Your New Life At NewSpring,’ during which he and a roomful of others viewed a video featuring lead pastor Perry Noble.

“We were all kind of looking around at each other, confused,” Garcia told reporters. “Then they put the video on and Mr. Noble informed us that the terms of service on the inside of the programs we were handed when we walked in the church clearly explained that by stepping foot on NewSpring’s property we were explicitly agreeing to give our lives to Jesus Christ.”

“We looked and sure enough, there it was, down in the fine print at the bottom.”

When reached for comment, Perry Noble would only repeat loudly, “1244 SALVATIONS LAST WEEKEND!!!”

 

[Earle36]

1 out of 10 bro....

 

[Buzzards Roost]

I would have kindly but forcefully not gone into that room and left. And if I had been duped into entering the room I would have kindly but forcefully left as soon as I realized what was going on. This, if true, is scary. It reminds me of the Spanish Inquisition and also the Baptism at the point of the sword by the Spanish Conquistadors on the Native Americans.

 

[Trading Tiger]

LINK

GREENWOOD, SC—Michael Garcia, 20, was extremely surprised to learn that he had committed his life to Jesus Christ at NewSpring Church’s Easter service, sources confirmed Wednesday afternoon.

Garcia noted that the service had ended and he was getting up from his pew to leave with his family when two smiling ushers “kindly but forcibly” escorted him to a room in the church for a class titled ‘Your New Life At NewSpring,’ during which he and a roomful of others viewed a video featuring lead pastor Perry Noble.

“We were all kind of looking around at each other, confused,” Garcia told reporters. “Then they put the video on and Mr. Noble informed us that the terms of service on the inside of the programs we were handed when we walked in the church clearly explained that by stepping foot on NewSpring’s property we were explicitly agreeing to give our lives to Jesus Christ.”

“We looked and sure enough, there it was, down in the fine print at the bottom.”

When reached for comment, Perry Noble would only repeat loudly, “1244 SALVATIONS LAST WEEKEND!!!”

I am a NewSpring owner, but I'm also a hilarious person and appreciate humor. I'm also secure, and I can laugh at myself.

Good find, very funny!

 

[Trading Tiger]

I would have kindly but forcefully not gone into that room and left. And if I had been duped into entering the room I would have kindly but forcefully left as soon as I realized what was going on. This, if true, is scary. It reminds me of the Spanish Inquisition and also the Baptism at the point of the sword by the Spanish Conquistadors on the Native Americans.

Hahaha, you obviously didn't click the link.

 

[Lot4tiger]

lol

 

[haymond1977]

I have been going on and off to NewSpring for 8 years. If that is going on, it is brand freaking new and why would they change what clearly is not broken?

Nice try... worry about your own salvation dude.

NewSpring is not for everyone. My Grandmother would say it's too loud and my great uncle would say the pastor never visited him in the hospital. They should go to a smaller Church. If you are seeking that, great! You are not wrong.

I work with a guy for years and notice he is getting more and more legalistic. He doesn't wear a wedding ring cause it's too flashy and he carries a Bible everywhere even if he is working and it's not appropriate. Never said one sideways word to the guy about any of it. One day, after years of hearing all about his faith, I guess he was feeling real generous and asked about mine. I said well, I'm a Christian and consider myself non denominational and I go to NewSpring often. He says, "Ughhhh". Pissed me off. I said what's that supposed to mean? Dude says, "If I wanted to go to a rock concert, I'd go to a rock concert". Took him 5 min. to judge me and my Church.

People need to worry about their own house. There's plenty there to keep you busy, if you're not perfect like everyone else.

 

[Buzzards Roost]

Hahaha, you obviously didn't click the link.

Right. Mr. Observant here didn't even see the link. I have seen the New Spring building going up on the old Milliken site in Clemson. An unobstructed view of Death Valley!

 

[Buzzards Roost]

I just hit the link. The article was already in the post in full. So I guess you mean that the Babylon Bee is a farce site? Sure seems that way but it had real ads on it.

 

[11tigers11]

Newspring is never OT

 

[Game Well]

Nice work @TAINT_PAINT

 

[TAINT_PAINT]

I have been going on and off to NewSpring for 8 years. If that is going on, it is brand freaking new and why would they change what clearly is not broken?

Nice try... worry about your own salvation dude.

NewSpring is not for everyone. My Grandmother would say it's too loud and my great uncle would say the pastor never visited him in the hospital. They should go to a smaller Church. If you are seeking that, great! You are not wrong.

I work with a guy for years and notice he is getting more and more legalistic. He doesn't wear a wedding ring cause it's too flashy and he carries a Bible everywhere even if he is working and it's not appropriate. Never said one sideways word to the guy about any of it. One day, after years of hearing all about his faith, I guess he was feeling real generous and asked about mine. I said well, I'm a Christian and consider myself non denominational and I go to NewSpring often. He says, "Ughhhh". Pissed me off. I said what's that supposed to mean? Dude says, "If I wanted to go to a rock concert, I'd go to a rock concert". Took him 5 min. to judge me and my Church.

People need to worry about their own house. There's plenty there to keep you busy, if you're not perfect like everyone else.

DEAR FACEBOOK....

 

[Ron Munson]

LINK

When reached for comment, Perry Noble would only repeat loudly, “1244 SALVATIONS LAST WEEKEND!!!”

That is a lot of cash flow. If you assume the average one makes $40,000 a year, and tithea the 10% that Perry tells them to, that is almost $5 million annually.

 

[Clems0nTiger]

1244 salvations last weekend, some for the first time!

 

[Trading Tiger]

I just hit the link. The article was already in the post in full. So I guess you mean that the Babylon Bee is a farce site? Sure seems that way but it had real ads on it.

Scroll down past the story..."The Babylon Bee, Your Trusted Source for Christian News Satire"

 

[SWUtigers]

I am a NewSpring owner

How much of New Spring do you own? Are you a silent partner?

 

[jmed99]

Does anyone here really care?

 

[Trading Tiger]

How much of New Spring do you own? Are you a silent partner?

 

[PertsCorner]

That is a lot of cash flow. If you assume the average one makes $40,000 a year, and tithea the 10% that Perry tells them to, that is almost $5 million annually.

10% on the gross, not the net, btw

 

[TAINT_PAINT]

Does anyone here really care?

 

[Ron Munson]

Does anyone here really care?

 

[Ron Munson]

Cool denim jacket.

 

[PertsCorner]

Does anyone here really care?

 

[Lot4tiger]

I have been going on and off to NewSpring for 8 years. If that is going on, it is brand freaking new and why would they change what clearly is not broken?

Nice try... worry about your own salvation dude.

NewSpring is not for everyone. My Grandmother would say it's too loud and my great uncle would say the pastor never visited him in the hospital. They should go to a smaller Church. If you are seeking that, great! You are not wrong.

I work with a guy for years and notice he is getting more and more legalistic. He doesn't wear a wedding ring cause it's too flashy and he carries a Bible everywhere even if he is working and it's not appropriate. Never said one sideways word to the guy about any of it. One day, after years of hearing all about his faith, I guess he was feeling real generous and asked about mine. I said well, I'm a Christian and consider myself non denominational and I go to NewSpring often. He says, "Ughhhh". Pissed me off. I said what's that supposed to mean? Dude says, "If I wanted to go to a rock concert, I'd go to a rock concert". Took him 5 min. to judge me and my Church.

People need to worry about their own house. There's plenty there to keep you busy, if you're not perfect like everyone else.

 

[ChicagoTiger85]

I just hit the link. The article was already in the post in full. So I guess you mean that the Babylon Bee is a farce site? Sure seems that way but it had real ads on it.

It's pretty obviously a parody site. I mean, just look at the other headlines: "Worship leader caught in infinite loop between bridge and chorus;" "Stone-hearted man scrolls past Jesus meme without sharing it;" and "Youth pastor retires from loving on people." It's like an Evangelical Onion.

Those of you in the Charlotte area may get a chuckle at this one: http://babylonbee.com/news/steven-furtick-forced-cancel-book-signing-getting-lost-mansion/

 

[CU1TruTiger4Life]

Everyone rips on Noble, but Furtick bothers me a lot more than Noble does.

 

[TAINT_PAINT]

Trump Announces Illegal Immigrant Gladiator Games

TUCSON, AZ—Keeping his foot on the gas as he speeds toward the nomination, Republican presidential front-runner Donald Trump unveiled a new campaign attraction at his Tucson rally Saturday: Roman-style gladiator games, in which illegal-immigrant combatants fight to the death for the entertainment of rally-goers.

The games, expected to be held at every Trump rally for the remainder of the election cycle, reportedly feature undocumented Mexican immigrants doing combat with crude weaponry such as swords, spears, daggers, and small shields, in a winner-take-all battle to the death.

“Is this great or is this great?” Trump crowed to the roaring Arizona crowd. “Julius Caesar was onto something, I think, but nobody—and he was a great leader, Julius, a strong leader—but nobody does gladiator games like Trump.”

He added, “I said I’d get rid of the illegals, and we’d let a few stay, but only the best—didn’t I say that?—only the very best. Well here’s how we find the very best!”

 

[mtct864]

1244 salvations last weekend, some for the first time!

Now that is hilarious

 

[Ron Munson]

Everyone rips on Noble, but Furtick bothers me a lot more than Noble does.

This. He is definitely worse.

 

[scartiger]

 

[acwill07]

What's the over/under on how many times Noble mentioned tithing during his Easter service? I guarantee Noble doesn't think those 1244 are saved if they didn't pay up.

 

[SWUtigers]

Everyone rips on Noble, but Furtick bothers me a lot more than Noble does.

 

[firegiver]

 

[Lot4tiger]

What a twatwaffle!

 

[OculusTiger]

That is a lot of cash flow. If you assume the average one makes $40,000 a year, and tithea the 10% that Perry tells them to, that is almost $5 million annually.

Think of Nobles cut....at least 20% of everybody else's 10% #winning

 

[SlovenskoTiger]

Many people ITT don't realize today's date...

 

[vatiger1]

Cool Tie at least.

 

[Will4Clemson]

 

[ChicagoTiger85]

What's the over/under on how many times Noble mentioned tithing during his Easter service? I guarantee Noble doesn't think those 1244 are saved if they didn't pay up.

It's weird to me how freaked out some people get whenever tithing is mentioned. It's like they're too attached to their money, or something...

 

[Trading Tiger]

Everyone rips on Noble, but Furtick bothers me a lot more than Noble does.

Agree, I'm not a fan of Furtick.